I figured I'd give anyone who still reads this fair warning that if this post is total randomness its just cause my brain feels like mush and is coming out my nose (gross but true).
I hate not having a car. I also hate that my husband works two jobs and on days where he has to work at both i see him for two and a half hours total cause we have to sleep by midnight or he cant wake up in the morning. I hate feeling like I'm not contributing to our financial situation, but at the same time i don't see the point in finding a job that id have to quit after having the baby in march. Because id be paying for a crappy car, more insurance, gas, and a baby sitter so there wouldn't be any extra money id probably make things worse besides id never see my husband or child and i don't want to be that kind of mom if i can help it. my whole life both of my parents have worked and sometimes dad worked two jobs and it was hard practically raising my siblings and not ever really being able to have a relationship with my mom til i got to be in Jr high we finally learned how to talk to each other, which is sad and i want my kids to know i love them right from the beginning not when their 12 or so. I kinda knew my parents loved me but when you never see them it makes it hard to know for sure especially when they never say it because it was never said to them. So i guess what I'm saying is more importantly than having to be on a rather strict budget for the rest of forever i don't want to look back on life when I'm old and regret missing out on my kids lives cause they're what really matter and what you take with you when you die (or rather the memories).
one random side note for the girls who read this when you get married and your changing your name on your drivers license and social security card don't forget to re-register to vote or they will tell you that you don't exist its a very annoying process to do while people look at you like your the stupidest person on the planet not to be registered. I really makes you want to kick people.
Also not having a car and having my husband always gone means i do nothing but sit at home being bored out of my mind and i never see anyone because no one thinks about me any more because I'm married and in a whole different class.
It totally sucks! checking emails and reading up on peoples blogs takes like ten minutes cause we all hardly ever update, and no thinks anyone reads their blogs anymore. part of me thinks we all still read them because we miss simpler times and want to be doing something other than what were doing.
Ive read the same entries for three blogs everyday for a week because its something to do and other people have lives while i sit at home and wish i had something to do cause eventually you run out of dishes and laundry even if you hate doing them but there's not anything else to do. You even know whats on every channel even all the cable channels. And its to cold and boring to go to the park on your own to sit on the swings, but not swing cause you'll make yourself sick and puking at the park doesn't sound fun at all.
sorry to any you still read this, for all the ranting and stuff but i think if i don't get it all out I'm going to explode or start getting really depressed again and depression and stress while pregnant contributes exponentially to the possibility of miscarriage and i really don't need or want that again i might actually loose all touches with reality if that happened again.
I don't think i mentioned that my little sister is also pregnant, which was a big surprise to them they've not been married two whole months and she was on birth control and he doesn't have a high sperm count so they for some reason are destined to be pregnant even though or family (grandparents and aunts) think we (my sister and i) are absolutely insane for not waiting to start a family or to even be married til after getting a degree at college and knowing each other longer and taking our time blah blah blah and etc. my grandmother also believes that kas wasn't really on birth control that shes lying, but she's been on birth control for a few years cause she got a cyst on her ovary and was having very irregular periods so the doctor but her on them a long time ago. the only problem with her being pregnant as well is that now she thinks that she knows exactly whats going on and tells me what i have to look forward to but she doesn't realize I'm four or four and a half months along and shes one and a half months along and i don't know what I'm talking about. like when i told her shed start feeling sick in a little while cause she wouldn't stop gloating that she hadn't been sick once she told me that she wasn't anything like me and she wasn't going to get sick at all and her doctor told her that there was a good chance she may not get sick at all but like mother like daughter and my mom was sick with all of us and Ive been sick to so i told her shed get there sure enough a week later she showed up here and told my mom that shed just puked in smiths parking lot and had some little boy yell loudly "mommy that girls puking how gross." and she was so embarrassed and i just kinda smiled because she never believes me.
why do random people have to rub your stomach and ask if the baby's fine in there? it bugs me! one of these times I'm going to threaten to break off their arm or rub their stomach back and ask how they like it. its my stomach and my baby and you get overly protective fast especially when you can feel it move around in there (which i can) so having people touch my belly really burns me up. Ive warned my sister that if she rubs my stomach again I'm going to rip off her arm and hit her over the head with it. But the random people at church i try to ignore, mostly because they've known me my whole life and they don't mean any harm by it but it still really annoys me.
anyway ive been rambling on long enough so i'll let anyone reading if theres anyone anymore to go back to your lives, thanks for listening to my eccentricities. i love you all, Kar.
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